Kipling Williams, a Professor of Psychology at Purdue University who has studied ostracism for twenty years, explains, ‘Excluding and ignoring people, such as giving them the cold shoulder or silent treatment, are used to punish or manipulate, and people may not realize the emotional or physical harm that is being done.’
The brain is supposed to be one of the strangest working mechanisms in the human body. When a particular issue has generated a sense of anger or has hurt you in multiple different ways, you tend to control all kind of emotions without letting it go. This results in the most dangerous way of responding which is, not responding. Remaining silent when the worst has happened is not a healthy way of responding. After a certain point of time, the brain refuses to show emotions in any manner. Whether being ignored, hearing criticism or complaints, it creates an emotional distance between people.
Being a living example of this case, I have been endlessly working to tackle silent treatment for the longest time. I may say I completed walking 50% of the journey but the rest 50% seems impossible. I have tried talking about what bothers me, what makes me upset or what puts me down. As soon as I take one foot forward, the second foot refuses to step up. I am trying.
We are the people who prefer to remain quite, assuming that the other person was having a bad day or probably end up thinking we do not hold any place in their priority list.
Fact check, this is not true. Remember I said I walked 50% of this journey? (Though I fell many a times) I learnt few lessons. Important ones.
It is crucial to take a moment, breathe and drink a glass of water. Make sure you take time out to appreciate yourself, always. Understand if there are differences between you and someone else. Realize, every battle you fight, you are not alone. There is always someone with you, visible or invisible. It is not important to answer every question. It is not important to question every situation.
Vent It Out
I know this is not easy, but try it. Just once. I promise there will be no looking back after that. If you did not like what she told you about your hairstyle, tell her. If you are being forced to go to that wedding and do not want to, don’t go. Don’t just go there and complain about the terrible food at the wedding. Vent it out right! Write about what you feel on a piece of paper, speak to someone you love, mail your mentor. Every emotion kept inside you, will eventually eat you.
Focus and Restructure
I had an important audition in 2014, that could have probably changed the cycle of events that happened till date. I prepared well, my written-down lines were flawless, my dress was on point and I did not let my cold to take over my voice. I was sure I would get through. I believe I gave my 102% on the stage that day. But the results were not in my favor. As usual, I did not speak to anyone, not because I didn’t want to but I could not. I tried, nothing in me encouraged to socialize. I learnt 2 months later, that the event did not happen. The sponsors turned their back due to financial management crisis.
What a blessing it was, NOT to be a part of the event! From then, I was grateful for all the incidents that did not work in my favor. Every time I failed at something, I said a thank you prayer for all the things in my life, worth being grateful for. Learn to focus on the bright good side that happened and restructure the anger and disappointment into gratefulness and positive vibes.
Talk to yourself, if not others. There will not always be ears around you to listen, understand and solve your difficulties. But there is one person, who you can blindly trust, rely upon and smile to. Hug yourself, its you! I am an avid talkative person, but for the most of time I speak to myself. Whenever I have a moment of extreme happiness or disappointment, I spend legit five minutes talking to myself. I recollect all the best things that happened till now and the great things that is yet to come. I recollect the memories of the supportive people around me and how much their significance in my life made me who I am.
The amount of conflicts you will go through will increase day by day, what matters is how you handle these conflicts. Remaining silent will increase your pressure tremendously, so what can you do? Work on yourself, for yourself. It will never go wrong.
And watch how you grow emotionally. Happier and Productive.